Kevin Bacon subverted

I am so frequently surprised when I realize that not everyone thinks as I do. You’d think I’d be used to it by now, but nope, it’s always a shock.

Case in point: It seems the most natural thing in the world to me to share my friends with one another. I mean that if I know two people that are cool, I want them to know each other. I make the introduction and I try to facilitate the creation of a friendship that can stand on it’s own. Not everyone thinks this way. Actually, I’m not sure if I know anyone else who thinks this way.

Three examples.

Mary. Mary has been my friend for many years. We’ve had church and work in common, among other things. Of course, Mary has her own life, and I have mine. But I’ve thought of her as one of my closest friends. She got married last October to a man that she’d been dating for a year and a half or two. The wedding was only the third time I’d been in the same room as her husband. Even now, I have not been in the same place as him since the wedding. (I had the opportunity at the baptism of their child, but I didn’t go.) For a long time, I had no idea how serious they were because the life she led which involved him was completely separate and distinct from the friendship she had with me.

Letitia. We’re not friends anymore, but when we were together, she had a virtual parade of friends coming through town and staying at our place. Many of them very clearly wanted nothing to do with me. I on the other hand shared all my friends with her. I often felt that many of her friends were actually rather disrespectful of me and the fact that they were guests in my home. Their attitude seemed to be, “I’m Letitia’s guest so I can do whatever I feel she’d be ok with.” They occupied my space, sometimes my bedroom. Sometimes I was asked to go significantly out of my way to pick them up at this or that airport. One one standout occasion, one of them was really quite free with her derision about my faith. I don’t believe any of my friends ever behaved so ungraciously. Anyway, as I mentioned before, none of her friends (the ones I did like) had any interest in continuing to know me after she and I were over. Perhaps they were just pretending before that.

Lance. There is such a long list of my friends that I have introduced to Lance. And yet, not once has he ever made any effort to have me meet any of his friends. At one point, I asked about meeting one of them in particular. He stated very plainly that he liked to keep his world separate.

So what’s my point? I don’t know anymore. I think I had one in mind when this topic occurred to me last night, but I can’t remember what that may have been right now. I’ll say that often I would like to develop a friendship with the friend of my friend, but my friends always seem to see themselves as gatekeepers regulating contact with their friends. Maybe I really am that unpleasant?


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