I just want everything. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve become unhappy at my parish. Mostly, I guess I feel unappreciated. But also, there just doesn’t feel like there is much of a community there; at least not like a community I hope for. There were two things that happened earlier this year that pushed me over the edge.
First, the absence of vision when it comes to music ministry became unmistakably apparent. Rather than schedule any of the current musicians, those with long, demonstrable connection to the parish for Masses during Lent and Easter, the powers that be asked a group from a neighboring parish to come in and do their own thing, completely divorced from what the assembly is used to.
Second, the Knights wanted to do something nice for the parish. At the beginning of June, we put on a free spaghetti dinner for anyone who wanted to come. We took sign-ups for two weeks prior to the event so that we’d know how much food to purchase and prepare. We had over 200 people indicate they were coming. Less than 100 showed up. I like to think of myself as a resilient person; not flexible really, but enduring. This ‘community’ response may have broken me. Yes, yes, we learned a lesson. People don’t value that which is free. Several months later, the parish put on a dinner that cost $25/person. 250 people attended.
So I feel like I’ve pretty much given up on the parish. There’s only so much knocking my head against the wall that I can take.
But deep down at the heart of it all, it’s the music that I most care about.
I realize that I can be a pretty particular sort of person. At least when I really care about something. I suppose that’s how one can tell if I truly care: how fussy I am about the thing.
Anyway, I’m looking for what might be a bit of a unicorn. I want to be a part of a parish that is warm & welcoming, has a music program that I can be a part of, preferably bilingual, is committed to forming/maintaining a community, with an active Knights council, where I can feel needed. Also, must be near to Ellen’s parents. We will want to find a permanent home within 15-20 minutes of their place in West Salem. As far as music itself, I still want this.
I’ve looked at Queen of Peace, St Joseph’s, & St Vincent de Paul in Salem; St Patrick’s in Independence; St Philip’s in Dallas; Immaculate Conception in Stayton; even St Mary’s in Albany. Some of these places come close, but none is quite right.
Finally, I must acknowledge that perhaps the most likely reading of this whole affair is that I am meant to learn humility. Gads! what a bitter pill.
Engaged
Hello friends. The big, big, life-changing news for me is that I got engaged in February!
I met Ellen via a mutual friend last fall. She lives overseas and for several months we communicated only via text messages and video calls. But in February, I traveled to meet her and make my proposal. She said yes and now we are going through the process of getting her to the United States. My hope is that she will be here before the end of 2022.
Random political post
I’m not a huge fan of our overtweeter-in-chief, but not everything he says and does is worth bursting blood vessels. He’s a troll and everyone should know that you don’t feed the trolls.
Here are a couple points (some borrowed from more eloquent people than me):
I don’t care for crass language. I don’t use such language myself.
Trump wasn’t on air/in public. Obama disparages bitter-clingers. Hilary writes off a quarter of the populations as deplorables. Biden makes all manner of racially insensitive comments. But oh no! Only Trump is a problem.
It wasn’t racist. Fact is, some countries suck. But that does not mean the people seeking to immigrate from those countries do. Often, it’s precisely the opposite.
(We shouldn’t use country of origin as central rationale for immigration or against it, which is why visa diversity lottery is bad.)
The news kinda bragged up Crazy Old Joe (Biden) for dropping an F-bomb…double standard.
Everything Trump does is racist, sexist, etc….and if you disagree you are deplorable.
Yawn.
The Shooting of Dan McGrew
A bunch of the boys were whooping it up in the Malamute saloon;
The kid that handles the music-box was hitting a rag-time tune;
Back of the bar, in a solo game, sat Dangerous Dan McGrew,
And watching his luck was his light-o’-love, the lady that’s known as Lou.
When out of the night, which was fifty below, and into the din and glare,
There stumbled a miner fresh from the creeks, dog-dirty, and loaded for bear.
He looked like a man with a foot in the grave and scarcely the strength of a louse,
Yet he tilted a poke of dust on the bar, and he called for drinks for the house.
There was none could place the stranger’s face, though we searched ourselves for a clue;
But we drank his health, and the last to drink was Dangerous Dan McGrew.
There’s men that somehow just grip your eyes, and hold them hard like a spell;
And such was he, and he looked to me like a man who had lived in hell;
With a face most hair, and the dreary stare of a dog whose day is done,
As he watered the green stuff in his glass, and the drops fell one by one.
Then I got to figgering who he was, and wondering what he’d do,
And I turned my head — and there watching him was the lady that’s known as Lou.
His eyes went rubbering round the room, and he seemed in a kind of daze,
Till at last that old piano fell in the way of his wandering gaze.
The rag-time kid was having a drink; there was no one else on the stool,
So the stranger stumbles across the room, and flops down there like a fool.
In a buckskin shirt that was glazed with dirt he sat, and I saw him sway,
Then he clutched the keys with his talon hands — my God! but that man could play.
Were you ever out in the Great Alone, when the moon was awful clear,
And the icy mountains hemmed you in with a silence you most could hear;
With only the howl of a timber wolf, and you camped there in the cold,
A helf-dead thing in a stark, dead world, clean mad for the muck called gold;
While high overhead, green, yellow, and red, the North Lights swept in bars? —
Then you’ve a hunch what the music meant . . . hunger and might and the stars.
And hunger not of the belly kind, that’s banished with bacon and beans,
But the gnawing hunger of lonely men for a home and all that it means;
For a fireside far from the cares that are, four walls and a roof above;
But oh! so cramful of cosy joy, and crowded with a woman’s love —
A woman dearer than all the world, and true as Heaven is true —
(God! how ghastly she looks through her rouge, — the lady that’s known as Lou.)
Then on a sudden the music changed, so soft that you scarce could hear;
But you felt that your life had been looted clean of all that it once held dear;
That someone had stolen the woman you loved; that her love was a devil’s lie;
That your guts were gone, and the best for you was to crawl away and die.
‘Twas the crowning cry of a heart’s despair, and it thrilled you through and through —
“I guess I’ll make it a spread misere,” said Dangerous Dan McGrew.
The music almost dies away . . . then it burst like a pent-up flood;
And it seemed to say, “Repay, repay,” and my eyes were blind with blood.
The thought came back of an ancient wrong, and it stung like a frozen lash,
And the lust awoke to kill, to kill . . . then the music stopped with a crash,
And the stranger turned, and his eyes they burned in a most peculiar way;
In a buckskin shirt that was glazed with dirt he sat, and I saw him sway;
Then his lips went in in a kind of grin, and he spoke, and his voice was calm,
And “Boys,” says he, “you don’t know me, and none of you care a damn;
But I want to state, and my words are straight, and I’ll bet my poke they’re true,
That one of you is a hound of hell . . . and that one is Dan McGrew.”
Then I ducked my head and the lights went out, and two guns blazed in the dark;
And a woman screamed, and the lights went up, and two men lay stiff and stark.
Pitched on his head, and pumped full of lead, was Dangerous Dan McGrew,
While the man from the creeks lay clutched to the breast of the lady that’s known as Lou.
These are the simple facts of the case, and I guess I ought to know.
They say that the stranger was crazed with “hooch,” and I’m not denying it’s so.
I’m not so wise as the lawyer guys, but strictly between us two —
The woman that kissed him — and pinched his poke — was the lady known as Lou.
Weekend round-up
(No weeds were harmed in the making of this weekend.)
The following is posted not so much because I suspect anyone would find it to be of interest. No. Rather, it’s because making record of it helps me in my inevitable nostalgia phase several years hence.
Saturday started late morning with taking Catherine’s dogs for a walk. There are three dogs, too many to manage all at once, so I took the girls out first, then Jackson afterwards. Each round went around 20 minutes and I walked a total of about 2 miles. Afterwards, Catherine, Brenda, and I went to Lowe’s to pick up some touch-up paint for their interior walls. There’s something about being in big hardware stores that is just satisfying. I should explore this further. Then it was time for lunch. Annette’s was the destination of choice and holy moly! the portions were quite ample! Catherine got her usual favorite, the Scooby Doo. Biscuits & gravy over a Denver omelet with potatoes on the side. Brenda got the chicken fried steak with scrambled eggs, and I took the waitress’ recommendation and ordered the chicken club sandwich with tots and onion rings. Everything was good, but I couldn’t finish, at least not without doing harm to my stomach. Of the three entrées, Brenda’s tasted the best. Lordy, I was so full afterwards!
I went home, marshaled my strength for a bit, then met Deanna for coffee. Then it was off to Portland to meet Tiffany, Sianna, and Shaine for Geeks Who Drink Trivia at Portland Brewery.
Our team (Family Ties) was the big winner that night!
On to Sunday morning.
Went to Mass then to Keizer Sub Shop for lunch. Always delicious. After eating, I dropped off three boxes of old clothes at Goodwill. Lenten purge is on track!
Met up with Catherine and Brenda and we all went to Walmart to shop for Easter ‘basket’ contents for her family. Add in a short trip to Dollar Tree for the same purpose and we called it good.
(I did buy another solar toy for my window.)
Finally, I finished out the weekend with a load of laundry.
Cherry trees in bloom
At the recommendation of my supervisor, I took a short walk over to the Capitol Mall to snap a few photos of the blooming trees.
Shamrock Run
Back in December, my coworker, Kathryn, and I signed up for this year’s 15k Shamrock Run. We both wanted the motivation to start training/running again.
For the first several weeks of training, I did well. I was getting to the gym a few nights per week and getting time in on the treadmill. But over the past month or so, things changed and my training went rather poorly, and I seriously considered bailing on the day, but my friend, Tyson convinced me to follow through with my plan, and I’m glad I did. To be honest though, if the forecast had indicated that it would be raining, I would have stayed home in bed for sure! As it was, the day was a mix of clouds and sun. The morning started off cold, but as usual, I warmed up pretty quickly once I started moving. By mile 2, I surely wished I had not worn a long sleeved shirt.
The map to the right shows my gps tracking for the course. Everything up through about mile 4 was mostly a gradual uphill run. The downhill portion was all in the latter half, for which I suppose I am grateful.
My official time was 2:01:25, which works out to be 13:01/mile. That’s not great, but I’m pretty much just glad I finished. At the end of the run, my knees were sore, as were my hips and back. Today, those parts feel ok, but my quadriceps are feeling it. I’m sure that tomorrow, my whole body will once again be aching.
Kathryn is already talking about the ‘next’ race. We’re looking at half marathons in the fall, as well as some triathlons that we would enter as a team (along with Alexis, our boss). It’s strange. As much as I sort of dreaded this run as the date approached, now that it’s completed, it’s frightfully easy to contemplate doing something similar in the future. What is wrong with me?!?!
Driving home after the race took about an hour. When I exited my car at my apartment, walking was a challenge as my legs had stiffened up. I thought about going to the gym to sit and soak in the hot tub, but I wanted to watch some Iron Fist, so I parked myself on the couch, put my feet up, and watched 3 episodes. Then I went to Geoff and Jackie’s for family dinner of corned beef, cabbage, potatoes, carrots, and corn bread. Jackie sent some extra corned beef home with me, so that’s lunch today. I should probably go to Safeway and get some bananas to assist with my recovery.
The Wayfarer
The beauty of the world has made me sad.
This beauty that will pass.
Sometimes my heart has shaken with great joy
To see a leaping squirrel on a tree
Or a red ladybird upon a stalk.
Or little rabbits, in a field at evening,
Lit by a slanty sun.
Or some green hill, where shadows drifted by,
Some quiet hill,
Where mountainy man has sown, and soon will reap,
Near to the gate of heaven.
Or little children with bare feet
Upon the sands of some ebbed sea,
Or playing in the streets
Of little towns in Connacht.
Things young and happy.
And then my heart has told me –
These will pass,
Will pass and change,
Will die and be no more.
Things bright, and green.
Things young, and happy.
And I have gone upon my way, sorrowful.
-Padraic Pearse
