Ok, maybe that wasn’t the last post
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Final post
This will be my last post here.
Here’s the secret that I’m always afraid someone will find out. I suck at life. I am hopeless when it comes to managing money. I’ve tried to get better, and honestly, maybe I have. But I am staring at the biggest financial crisis of my life right now and I’m just about ready to give up hope. Last month, there was an $800 wage assessment on my paycheck. IRS. I guess I didn’t do my taxes right or something. This month, there was another assessment on my paycheck. $1500. I guess I REALLY didn’t do my taxes right. Or was late. Or forgot to file last year. I don’t know. Maybe all of the above. Anyway, this month’s paycheck doesn’t even cover rent, nevermind utilities, food, car payment, etc.
You see, somehow, I’ve become an avoider. Something unpleasant comes along, and I do my best ostrich imitation. Yeah, maybe it will go away. Thing is, it almost never does. It might fade from sight for awhile, but it always seems to come back, and just when I’m least prepared for it. Yes, yes. I know. I need to be different. Believe me, I’m trying. It’s not something I talk about much because it’s rather embarrassing and humiliating really. I really believed that I was on track to getting all caught up and maybe even getting ahead by the end of this year. Maybe that could still happen if I wasn’t getting laid off. Maybe it can still happen if I find a new job quickly. But will I be able to eat in the mean time? Will I still be able to live here? Will I still have a car?
Yes friends, I suck at life. I’m really ready for things to get easier.
In any case, I won’t be paying to continue hosting this blog, and I really don’t feel up to the whimsy that inspired the blog anyway. Thanks for reading.
Another Monday home
Without the previous intention to do so, I called in to work and stayed home again today. As appealing as that may sound, I rather do not like it. I’d rather be at work. But I’m having a bit of trouble sleeping, perhaps due to anxiety, or maybe running after 9 PM is detrimental. Either way, when I woke up this morning, I was definitely feeling sleep deprived. I am determined to go to work tomorrow.
So instead, I played LOTRO, did laundry, watched tv, walked across the street for some groceries, and had a conversation with my apartment complex’s property manager. I asked about getting the nails of the landing outside my front door hammered down, and I explained my pending employment situation and asked if something could possibly be done to reduce my monthly rent, for example, by signing a new lease. She gave me reason to be hopeful, so I am. Stay tuned.
I smell like smoke
Got up at 6 AM this morning when I received a phone call from Jose asking about how to unlock the gate behind the community center. Too damn early! By 7 AM, I was down there to help get the day going. The bbqing and sales went well; at one point I even had to go get 50 more lbs of meat. Even with that, we ran out after the noon Mass. So sorry 2:00 Mass.
In the middle of it all, I had to step away and do the music for the 10 AM. You know what? I fricking rock at leading music for Mass. Mike is a way better guitarist than me, but I kick ass at leading.
Went for my run tonight. Was a bit harder than I’d like. Part of the problem his how arid the weather is. It gets difficult to breathe as my throat dries out. Despite my poverty, I’ll have to see about getting a hydration belt or something. Carp.
Ready to be done
With all modesty I can say that I have some strengths. Logistics doesn’t seem to be one of them. Here at the last minute, I still had no wood for Sunday, the ice situation hadn’t been resolved, and we weren’t sure who would be showing up at dawn to assist Jose with getting stuff ready for the tri-tip sale. I suck at getting these kind of details nailed down with plenty of time to spare. I’ve been terrible at it since well before I assumed the responsibilities of Grand Knight. That people should expect me to suddenly be good at them strikes me as wildly irrational.
Frustrated and frazzled.
And the straw boss said well a bless my soul
I had to do a bit of running around today including going to Cash & Carry to buy 125 lbs of tri-tip, 6 flats of soda, 2 flats of water, and various other supplies. I then had to fit it all into my car and drive it over to the community center whereupon I had to unload and tote all of it upstairs to the Knights room. All by myself. I should probably log all those trips up and down the stairs as a workout.
Did my run tonight. Tried to increase my speed a little. Getting there.
All those amino acids
Not quite as easy to make it out of bed this morning, but I made it in to work, no problem.
Work was essentially uneventful. Got some work done and was released to come home early.
I continue to feel good after yesterday’s run. I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I need to figure out how to get more protein into my diet. Protein bars would be great, but they can be kinda pricey. I’m also wondering how far I could stretch a bag of protein powder. See, I want to include some protein with every snack and meal. Cooking something for each of those occasions isn’t practical. And, since I love soup, I want to make sure I’m getting protein there too.
Topic stew
What the heck? Second day in a row of nearly effortless awakening in the AM. I think I’m doing something wrong.
Actually felt like I got some work done today. Got some things done for the curriculum website and worked with Letitia on how she can take over responsibility for its maintenance once I’m separated from the organization. Add to that some exchanges with Governet, scheduling a years worth of meeting space, and some more data entry into CurricUNET. Yep, I rock.
Sent a résumé up to the diocese today; an Administrative Assistant Position. We shall see. I think it’s helpful to be proactive. Helpful but quite difficult for me as it turns out.
Ok, know what else I pretty much suck at? Trick question. I only had one thing in mind. The correct answer is: follow-through. We’re having a tri-tip sandwich sale on Sunday. I’m sort of in charge so I should have had more of the details locked down before today. Well, it’s not too late or anything, just tardy. I think I pulled it together sufficiently though. I will have to do a crapload of running around. 🙁 But I will be getting a Costco card out of the process.
Got a semi-random email today from a woman asking if I could get together with her to do a photoshoot. She’s a bodybuilder and wants some shots for her portfolio. I totally would do this, but I’m not feeling excited about TFP (time for photos) right now. If this were a paid gig, yeah. I did tell her that if the shoot were really close by, and she was in a bind, I’d do it, but that she should look for another photographer who’d be more into free work right now.
*Several hours later*
Did my run tonight. Went SO much better than last Friday. The extra rest seems to really have helped. I ran 10 minutes, walked 1 minute, then ran 30 minutes. 3.55 miles. Breathing was amazingly easy!! Getting better!
Dinner post-run was rice, steamed vegetables, and steak. The rice came out perfect! And the steak too. I’m calling this a good day.
Good day.
Back to the salt mine
Back to work today. I actually woke up fairly easily this morning, despite getting less sleep than I would have liked. Huh. So let’s see. I did some research, compared and contrasted options, and concluded that going to school out-of-state would be really expensive. Going to school at Stanislaus State is a lot more feasible, but I’d still need an infusion of funding. Student loans are an option but they’d have to cover all costs of living as well as school. I’ll need to speak to an advisor over there.
My résumé is online in a couple of places. I’ve applied for 3 or 4 positions, including some in the greater Portland area. Still holding on to an against-all-odds hope that something will change here at the college. I’m expecting that my last check will be enough to pay off my car. Not having that monthly obligation while unemployed will be a relief. Even so, missing even a single week of unemployment will be devastating.
Haven’t run for several days now. Sunday was my regular day, but I wasn’t feeling great. Even ended up taking a multi-hour nap late in the day. Plus, my calves and feet hurt! Perhaps I overdid it a bit last Wednesday and the problem had persisted throughout the rest of the week and weekend. In any case, I feel quite recovered today. But I still took tonight off so as to get back on my regular schedule tomorrow.
Had soup for dinner. I sometimes forget how much I enjoy soup. Help me to remember people!
One more day off
Called in sick again today. I’ve had a pressure up in my abdomen for a couple days now, and yesterday I began feeling a kind of body ache like when you have the flu. But I had no other flu symptoms and the ache was located on my lower back. This reminded me of when I had a kidney stone a couple of years ago. So I popped some ibuprofen and acetaminophen and took another day. I did feel better today, so maybe no kidney stone. I did get a ton of play time in on LOTRO.
