Salem, day 2
After having been up since just after midnight (and that was following about 2.5 hours of sleep), I finally went to sleep last night around 11:30. I slept until 9:30 this morning and let me tell you, that felt good.
Today I felt a bit better. Part of that was due to all the running around I got myself into. Being busy is a good distraction from feeling sorry for myself.
Places I stopped at today include:
- DMV
- Skippers (for lunch)
- Steam Heat (a coffee shop in Keizer)
- St. Edward’s Church
- Way the heck south of town to look for a computer repair shop
- Fred Meyer’s
- Fortress Computer Repair (not the place I was originally looking for)
- Wholesale Sports Outfitters
- Worksource Oregon
- Best Buy (terrible customer service)
- back to St. Edward’s for daily Mass
- and finally back home
The other reason that I’m feeling better today is that I got my computer set up and connected to the internet. A small measure of comfort and familiarity has been restored.
Salem, day 1
I am now in Salem. This last weekend in Modesto was particularly difficult. I finished clearing out my apartment and loaded as much as possible into a trailer. The rest I threw away. The emptiness of the place was just really stark. I got a special gift from Real B. I wish we’d reconnected as adults under slightly different circumstances. I went to Jeff’s wedding and spent a few moments with some friends that I haven’t been close to in a while. It was lovely to see and talk to them, but it all just reminded me of what I have lost. I know that the coming weeks & months will be filled with new discoveries & new people, but I miss what I do not have.
So now I am in my aunt’s house, surrounded by things that aren’t mine. I went to set up my computer this evening only to discover that it seems to have been damaged during transport. So I do not even have that means by which I can keep connected to things that are familiar. I feel alone and sad and disconnected. I want to be in my own place and to be working again.
Catch up #1
Ok, so what have I been doing?
Well, as promised, I have been laid off. It was harder to contemplate when I first was told of it than when my last day came. Although there were some very sad moments towards the end, particularly on my last day. That last day was scheduled to be Thursday, but I had already decided that Wednesday was going to be the actual day. I took my inspiration from The Office. Michael Scott avoided the awkwardness of the farewell party by not coming in that day. There was a very moving and touching moment with Jim.
Resump-Sean
It’s been about a month since I stopped posting. It got pretty hard there for a bit. Things are better now. I’m not entirely out of the woods, but some people have really helped me out, and I have a plan.
I’m moving to Oregon by the end of this month. I asked my aunt if I could come live with her in Salem for a couple of months and she very graciously said yes. I’m looking forward to being an Oregonian. Not sure how long it will take for that to truly happen.
Anyway, either the cost of hosting this blog is already covered from when I first signed up, or a little money is taken each month and I didn’t notice it, clearly, the blog is still here and I can post to it. So I guess I will resume. Not sure I’ll continue/get back to a post per day. We’ll see.
Ok, maybe that wasn’t the last post
You can click below to contribute to my “Emergency cost of living fund”.
Final post
This will be my last post here.
Here’s the secret that I’m always afraid someone will find out. I suck at life. I am hopeless when it comes to managing money. I’ve tried to get better, and honestly, maybe I have. But I am staring at the biggest financial crisis of my life right now and I’m just about ready to give up hope. Last month, there was an $800 wage assessment on my paycheck. IRS. I guess I didn’t do my taxes right or something. This month, there was another assessment on my paycheck. $1500. I guess I REALLY didn’t do my taxes right. Or was late. Or forgot to file last year. I don’t know. Maybe all of the above. Anyway, this month’s paycheck doesn’t even cover rent, nevermind utilities, food, car payment, etc.
You see, somehow, I’ve become an avoider. Something unpleasant comes along, and I do my best ostrich imitation. Yeah, maybe it will go away. Thing is, it almost never does. It might fade from sight for awhile, but it always seems to come back, and just when I’m least prepared for it. Yes, yes. I know. I need to be different. Believe me, I’m trying. It’s not something I talk about much because it’s rather embarrassing and humiliating really. I really believed that I was on track to getting all caught up and maybe even getting ahead by the end of this year. Maybe that could still happen if I wasn’t getting laid off. Maybe it can still happen if I find a new job quickly. But will I be able to eat in the mean time? Will I still be able to live here? Will I still have a car?
Yes friends, I suck at life. I’m really ready for things to get easier.
In any case, I won’t be paying to continue hosting this blog, and I really don’t feel up to the whimsy that inspired the blog anyway. Thanks for reading.
Another Monday home
Without the previous intention to do so, I called in to work and stayed home again today. As appealing as that may sound, I rather do not like it. I’d rather be at work. But I’m having a bit of trouble sleeping, perhaps due to anxiety, or maybe running after 9 PM is detrimental. Either way, when I woke up this morning, I was definitely feeling sleep deprived. I am determined to go to work tomorrow.
So instead, I played LOTRO, did laundry, watched tv, walked across the street for some groceries, and had a conversation with my apartment complex’s property manager. I asked about getting the nails of the landing outside my front door hammered down, and I explained my pending employment situation and asked if something could possibly be done to reduce my monthly rent, for example, by signing a new lease. She gave me reason to be hopeful, so I am. Stay tuned.
I smell like smoke
Got up at 6 AM this morning when I received a phone call from Jose asking about how to unlock the gate behind the community center. Too damn early! By 7 AM, I was down there to help get the day going. The bbqing and sales went well; at one point I even had to go get 50 more lbs of meat. Even with that, we ran out after the noon Mass. So sorry 2:00 Mass.
In the middle of it all, I had to step away and do the music for the 10 AM. You know what? I fricking rock at leading music for Mass. Mike is a way better guitarist than me, but I kick ass at leading.
Went for my run tonight. Was a bit harder than I’d like. Part of the problem his how arid the weather is. It gets difficult to breathe as my throat dries out. Despite my poverty, I’ll have to see about getting a hydration belt or something. Carp.
Ready to be done
With all modesty I can say that I have some strengths. Logistics doesn’t seem to be one of them. Here at the last minute, I still had no wood for Sunday, the ice situation hadn’t been resolved, and we weren’t sure who would be showing up at dawn to assist Jose with getting stuff ready for the tri-tip sale. I suck at getting these kind of details nailed down with plenty of time to spare. I’ve been terrible at it since well before I assumed the responsibilities of Grand Knight. That people should expect me to suddenly be good at them strikes me as wildly irrational.
Frustrated and frazzled.
And the straw boss said well a bless my soul
I had to do a bit of running around today including going to Cash & Carry to buy 125 lbs of tri-tip, 6 flats of soda, 2 flats of water, and various other supplies. I then had to fit it all into my car and drive it over to the community center whereupon I had to unload and tote all of it upstairs to the Knights room. All by myself. I should probably log all those trips up and down the stairs as a workout.
Did my run tonight. Tried to increase my speed a little. Getting there.
